I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
