I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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