guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
this boner is exhausting
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
