So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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