Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
