i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
