So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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