Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize