my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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