i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
