Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
