So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
