I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize