Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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