I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
