He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
