i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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