Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
