At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me they were just razor bumps!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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