her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
