I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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