if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
