Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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