you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
