Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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