Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
