A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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