We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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