when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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