Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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