My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
