U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
