I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am available for nakedness
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
