R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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