I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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