Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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