That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
