Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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