I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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