Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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