someone owes me an orgasm
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
