i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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