I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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