Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
