I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
