So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
