oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
