i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
