Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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