Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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