YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I enjoy the company of your penis
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
