and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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