I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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