i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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