Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
