everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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