it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hippo gnu deer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
