I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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