It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
