That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
