You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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