But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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