I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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