my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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